lacking depth.

right now i feel like i am lacking depth in my relationships with my friends at school. maybe a lot of it has to do with the fact that i am still getting to know everybody, or don't know them as well as i have known other friends in the past. i have depth with abby, but that is a different kind of depth.

i noticed it today after we saw a speaker from Oaxaca, Mexico who was talking about the immense poverty and the government's unwillingness to help and tied it into immegration and free trade agreements. We went out for coffee immediately afterward with intentions (so i thought) to discuss the presentation. i opened the discussion and talked for a while about my feelings on the subject... and then... we talked about something else. not about how we could make a difference or about what should or could be done, but something completely unrelated. maybe it is just that i miss the kind of dialogue i used to have with Dave and Kendra, who have both made it clear they don't want to have anything to do with my life.

maybe i just miss the relationship where we can entertain the idea that a few highly motivated individuals can in fact change the world. i believe that. just look at how CEO's of companies like McDonald's, Abercrombie & Fitch, and A&M records have done to what the general population eats, wears and listens to. it's actually quite disgusting. one day i want to change the world, even in a small way, it would be satisfying for me to know that i made a difference. perhaps i just crave substance in my life. i should write a book or something. i probably will someday.

If i did write a book, i wonder if anyone would read it.