job

i started a new job today. i like it a lot. i work at a golf course as cart staff. i made $22 in tips today. i was impressed by my skill. it was a gorgeous day which helped. i was beat at the end of the day which sucks, but i'll get used to it. it's going to be a lot of fun when i work 7:30 to 2:30 at the golf course only to then drive over to the bake shoppe by 3:30 and work til 8:30. money is money. and i need it desparately. so bring on the hours. i guess thats all...

i'm sick and tired and totally in love

the title kind of tells it all here. i have had a headache for like a week and a half now off and on. i think it is sinus related. maybe a sinus infection? i'm tired because it is late.. duh.. and about the girl. i'm incredibly lucky, that she ever gave me the time of day. she is more than i could have asked for. i'll stop being sappy. i need to go to bed anyway.

what keeps me up at night.

so i was watching vids on youtube after a friend called me and woke me up from what was to be the earliest night this year, of course i was scanning the news and politics section, especially focused in africa in northern uganda and sudan. it bothered me that people throw around words like "genocide" and use it to describe a horrifying but two sided civil war. one comment that really bothered me was one about how we are fighting a war on terr'r, and if it were truely about oil we have completely neglected a country that has rich in oil (sudan). it just sucks that people don't know what they are talking about. in brief research anyone can tell you that the US produces twice as much oil as sudan, and we use about 3 times what we make each day. on that note we also export more than sudan does. iraq is in a league all its own producing in one day what sudan does in about a week. comparing the two in that way just isn't meaningful... sure sudan has oil... but iraq has a hell of a lot more.
but anyway the point is that there is a lack of education. more and more people are becoming aware of the "fire burning in africa" but there are so many problems,(darfur, the lra, and not to mention aids) and the history of each is so complex it seems almost impossible to find one single way to extinguish it.
and looking at it that way is in fact quite ridiculous. what needs to happen first is education about specific issues, that is detailed enough to be useful, pick a topic that interests you, be it women's rights, disease, poverty, or mortal combat, research it. and it alone, then try to come up with a solution. or better yet educate more people about what specifically concerns you. brainstorm, bounce ideas off of people. together people can accomplish things that would be impossible for indviduals.
for me, i have found my issue. education. there are thousands of kids that are displaced, that have no home, no family, that may even have no hope in uganda. my hope for my future came through education. helping underprivileged kids become doctors,and lawyers, would give them a hope for the future and create more doctors and lawyers of course! maybe one day one of my students will find a cure for aids, or cancer, or war, or find a renewable type of feul that won't create ridiculous and inappropriately named wars that kill more soldiers than any terrorist attack on us soil (including 9/11) has. maybe. but who knows. maybe i am just in need of sleep, and that didn't make sense to anyone but me.

i feel a bit like i am dying. my head hurts. it feels heavy. i don't think sleep will be an issue tonight. i didn't sleep a whole lot last night. i think i'm probably going to call it a night. the earliest one i've called this year by far. 9:27. goodnight.

i hate this house

i didn't move in here. my mother kicked me out when she found out she wasn't going to get any child support money for me. here i live with my father, his parents, my older brother, and one of my two twin younger brothers. this is just a few things that happened this week.

-my older brother walked into my room today where i was playing guitar with a friend, and says to the both of us, "if you ever do coke don't buy it from a guy named herbie something-or-other. he has it so laced with ether i woke up this morning coughing and hacking and i could barely breathe." my brother is unemployed, my grandparents gave him the money he used to buy cocaine. he will be 20 in june. in july i will be 18. in august i will leave for college. in september he will still be here, living in the basement, and probably still unemployed bumming money off my dad and grandparents to fill his gas tank so he can go get plastered with his friends and buy coke from a guy named herbie.
-the other day i caught my 13 year old little brother looking at porn. pages and pages of it. i told him he shouldn't be looking at that stuff, his reply "lucas doesn't care." the real problem: not only does my 20 year old brother know he looks at porn, he condones it.
-my dad is about 48 years old. he might be 49. his mother still does his laundry. i do my laundry at strange hours of the night so that she does not touch my clothes. if you knew her you wouldn't want her touching your clothes either.
-i got a new job this week. exactly what i was looking for; just less than 40 hours a week. $7 an hour-$0.75 more than my other job, plus tips as much as $100 a day if i really work my butt off. my new manager told me to quit my old job. i love that job, i love my managers, and the people that i work with.. i am torn, i don't want to quit but i know i will be scheduled too many hours not to.
-my dad's girlfriend told me today that my grandmother claims to know the "cure" for homosexuality. (apparently it's a disease) if it is anything like the dozens and dozens of pill bottles in the cabinet upstairs that say "this is not approved by the FDA" that she has informed me can cure just about any ailment known to man, (including but not limited to malaria, cancer and AIDS) then i can't say i'm going to try it on any of my friends.
-my room is infested with termites. there are no windows. there is not enough room for a bed so i sleep on a mattress on the floor. i have a bottle of ant/termite killer next to my bed. they don't die instantly like it says on the label. they try to crawl away and slowly and painfully come to a stop a few inches from the puddle of the odorless spray.
-there are four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms in this house. one more bedroom is being built now next to mine, and two more are scheduled to be built in the downstairs garage, as well as an extra bathroom.
-i'm supposed to get one of the new rooms. if i still have to share a bathroom with my brother, i don't want the new room. as much as my dad says he will try, you can't potty train a 20 year old. you also can't teach him much of anything else about hygiene either.
-i feel out of place, this isn't home. i moved out of my home months ago. the place i grew up. two stories, 14.5 acres with a private stream. only about two miles from here. people with volvo's live there now. then i was in my mom's two bedroom apartment right outside the city. not that i don't love the city, but it was no more home than my dad's house is now. but i'm not welcome in that apartment anymore. i wonder if the volvo people would let me move in...

a lifestyle ruined.

i bought white shoes today. i have nothing else to say.

deprivation and my faith walk.

today was not a complete failure. i applied for a job at the golf course down the street. i hope i get it because i need a second job. i shortly thereafter gave up fast. i was only doing it for moral support for my baha'i girlfriend. i'm not a baha'i. she stopped fasting because of soccer. i stopped fasting because i didn't feel closer to god. i felt ill. and dehydrated. i sleep most of the daylight hours anyway.
i also did some recording today. hopefully i can get a few songs up on the myspace soon.. if anybody ever reads this and knows anything about file sharing over a network and would like to help me move about 150 files from one computer to another on the same network that would be fantastic too. but i doubt enyone will ever read this. on that note, goodbye.

insomnia or hypersomnia

so i decided today... or this morning i suppose.... (it's 3:37 am eastern time) that i should keep a journal... and my life just happens to be so damn interesting that i decided to post it online. that way other people can comment on my crazy thoughts and ideas. and i can also maybe make some other friends with sleep disorders!